We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
