his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I have post one night stand depression
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