is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Buhtt sex?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize