I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He passed out mid-signature
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
