Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
