Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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