Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
