if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Hippo gnu deer
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm having to shit out rocks
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize