All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
