Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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