A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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