Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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