That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
