so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
