Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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