i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
