Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
