Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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