im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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