every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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