yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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