A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
