Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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