Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
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