his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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