My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
