i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
