Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
we're making bets on your personal life
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
