we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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