Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Houston, we have a squirter
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
