whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
