Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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