i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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