Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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