He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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