after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
