you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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