Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
