i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
