Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
