I hate your face
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
