I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
