Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
