If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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