just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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