she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
