Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Randomize
