So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
