shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So much Jack, so little girl.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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