I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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