I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
