You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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