I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
