New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
