we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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