sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
