So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
