It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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