Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
