I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
