I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
