Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize