there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
