Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
