All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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