I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
