there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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