the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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