Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
