There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize