I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
