no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
