dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
