Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
