I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
