Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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