Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize